incredibly proud of myself for this post.
I dealt with my dads drinking and angry outbursts for years before it finally took a toll on my physical and mental well being. His way of dealing with issues was to drink until he was able to sufficiently criticize, degrade, humiliate, and emotionally break me and my brothers down to the point where he had total control. His most common form of dealing with anything was ignore the person who caused him to be angered or disappointed. Ignoring included being excluded from family activities, most commonly dinner, being made to sit in a room with him while he disregarded your existence so you would know your worth, and many other situations where my brothers and I were invisible. While never physically violent with us, my dad would make it to a point to prove his power whether it be breaking something of our, throwing things, slamming doors, and terrorizing us to the point where we were afraid he may cross the line and eventually hurt one of us. As the oldest child I had no second thoughts about protecting my younger brothers from my dads wrath. While Brandon witnessed a lot of the psychological abuse happening at home, Brian and I received the worst of it. My dad fed off of my brothers low self-esteem and quiet demeanor, degrading him whenever he had the chance. By the time I started high school I was no longer “daddy’s little girl.” I became more self conscious and felt closer to my mom, which greatly angered my dad as he saw it as a personal attack to him. I became heavily involved in school and extracurricular activities to avoid any and all contact with being home, pushing myself beyond the necessary point any 15 year old should be at. When I was home, I felt sick to my stomach hearing my dads car pull in the driveway, not knowing how the night was going to go.